Here are some lil' quotes:
~"Never Trust a Skinny Cook!"
~"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. "
~"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. "
~"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
~"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. "
~"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
~"Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. "
~"Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can. "
~"There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles."
~"If you want breakfast in bed… sleep in the kitchen."
~"Kitchen closed due to illness: I am sick of cooking!"
~"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. "
Table of comfort foods and cures:
Crisis
Kids planning sleepover with 4 neighbor children
Cure
2 Cream Puffs (Light)
Crisis
Property taxes Due
Cure
1 Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino, with 1 package of cinnamon rolls
Crisis
Cable TV out... again
Cure
6 Almond Rocas
Crisis
Fender Bender in parking lot
Cure
4 Twinkies
Crisis
Fender Bender in parking lot at child's soccer game with all other parents watching
Cure
12 Twinkies (Remove wrappers before consuming)
Crisis
Computer Crash
Cure
3 Snickers bars (Two to eat, 1 to pummel computer with)
Crisis
Daughter gets drivers license
Cure
1-pound cheesecake topped with cherries
Crisis
Daughter's boyfriend gets driver's license
Cure
Eat cheesecake straight from the pan. No fork needed. Forget the cherries.
Crisis
Caught in traffic jam
Cure
1 melted candy bar and a hot-sauce packet from Taco Bell, both found under seat
Crisis
Son brings home report card
Cure
2 slices of chocolate cream pie
Crisis
Teacher comes along when son brings home report card
Cure
Entire chocolate cream pie (Not to be used for throwing)
Crisis
Parking Ticket
Cure
Hot fudge sundae
Crisis
Parking ticket in front of Baskin Robins
Cure
Double hot fudge sundae
Crisis
Dog bites mailman
Cure
7 brownies (Three for you, Four for the mailman)
Crisis
Mailman bites dog
Cure
3 brownies for you, 2 for the dog, and a chew-stick for the mailman
~ Table of Comfort Foods and Cures from the book, It's Always Darkest before the Fridge door Opens.
~"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. "
~"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. "
~"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
~"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. "
~"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
~"Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. "
~"Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can. "
~"There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles."
~"If you want breakfast in bed… sleep in the kitchen."
~"Kitchen closed due to illness: I am sick of cooking!"
~"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. "
Table of comfort foods and cures:
Crisis
Kids planning sleepover with 4 neighbor children
Cure
2 Cream Puffs (Light)
Crisis
Property taxes Due
Cure
1 Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino, with 1 package of cinnamon rolls
Crisis
Cable TV out... again
Cure
6 Almond Rocas
Crisis
Fender Bender in parking lot
Cure
4 Twinkies
Crisis
Fender Bender in parking lot at child's soccer game with all other parents watching
Cure
12 Twinkies (Remove wrappers before consuming)
Crisis
Computer Crash
Cure
3 Snickers bars (Two to eat, 1 to pummel computer with)
Crisis
Daughter gets drivers license
Cure
1-pound cheesecake topped with cherries
Crisis
Daughter's boyfriend gets driver's license
Cure
Eat cheesecake straight from the pan. No fork needed. Forget the cherries.
Crisis
Caught in traffic jam
Cure
1 melted candy bar and a hot-sauce packet from Taco Bell, both found under seat
Crisis
Son brings home report card
Cure
2 slices of chocolate cream pie
Crisis
Teacher comes along when son brings home report card
Cure
Entire chocolate cream pie (Not to be used for throwing)
Crisis
Parking Ticket
Cure
Hot fudge sundae
Crisis
Parking ticket in front of Baskin Robins
Cure
Double hot fudge sundae
Crisis
Dog bites mailman
Cure
7 brownies (Three for you, Four for the mailman)
Crisis
Mailman bites dog
Cure
3 brownies for you, 2 for the dog, and a chew-stick for the mailman
~ Table of Comfort Foods and Cures from the book, It's Always Darkest before the Fridge door Opens.
